Blindfolded

This post may sound particularly sarcastic and negative. And I don't want to apologize for that because that's what I'm particularly feeling right now; and that  means I'm not the best version of myself presently and I despise myself for it.

I'm angry.

Funny how my friends seem very convinced that I'll succeed in everything I do. Funny because they're utterly sure that I can do it, that I can go through everything just fine, when I myself am not. I don't know how exactly they measure my ability - but there are times when I don't really appreciate that kind of thought. Well I should have - they believe in me and that should be a good thing.

But in fact, it's not. And in fact, I don't. Appreciate it. At all. Because they make it so easy like that and I dislike it.

I may fall. Face flat to the ground. And cry. And may not want to get up. And may want to stay there for quite a while, for how long I don't even know.

I have doubts. And it's not so comforting when people you know have a contrasting thought about you. Like they know everything. It's like, there's an expectation behind it. And when you, say, fail, those people perhaps will be amazed - as if they forget that you're also a human being. "How come?" they may say. Which is not surprising anymore. Then they'll comfort you and you come to a point where you question if the comfort they offer is genuine and sincere or just a mere product out of pity.

You don't know, right?