The sky was striking blue, almost blinding. The hovering clouds above were like a bunch of cotton candy delights, strangely making my mouth ache and crave for something sweet so bad. The rolling waves of the ocean in the distance were lazy in movement, but still the sight and the sound of it were so soothing, at least to my senses.
Even if it was only a mere imagination conjured up in the middle of a late noon break.
In reality, I was actually sitting in front of my computer, indoor, typing this up. I'm in a solemn, acutely somber mood, and I feel the need to go to a quiet place - I need a change of scenery. I need something sweet to chew, maybe some cookies, and then I'll just get lost in my own thoughts alone. Wandering, wondering.
A grief so profound within a short time span strikes me as something so real and raw. Losing an extended family member who, ironically, had never been that close to me when he was still alive, and the loss of TWO dearly loved dogs - both were adopted - one because of tumor (he already had this tumor on his neck when we adopted him) and one because of old age. One passed away only one week after the other one had died. It feels like a coincidence, but each cause of death is different. Yet still... it leaves me in wonder.
Why?
I shed tears when my uncle was laid down inside his white coffin. I cried, not because I was remembering moments and memories - they were scarce between us - but because of this cursed thought that I kept going back to: How scared he must have been, when he was in great pain, when he was thinking of his own family's future without him, when he eventually had to face his own death, standing upon the threshold between life and death. That last moment before he let out his final breath.
The same thought pierced into me when I was told that my dog, the one with tumor, was dead. I was only several minutes late to seeing him in his final moment. When I came downstairs, his body had become so stiff, yet I could still feel the lingering warmth of his body temperature. He must have been in pain before, struggling to fight it with his small body - but he was so strong. He was never seen whimpered even when he looked to be in pain. He was a cheerful dog, he liked to eat a lot, his coat was shining. We knew, when we adopted him, that his tumor was already too big to be cut off, and hence we would have to be prepared.
Well... I didn't cry the day my dog was cremated. But I cried so bad the day after.
And just yesterday morning, my other dog, who had accompanied us for 10 years, also died. It's a she, anyway. We didn't know where and who she'd been living with prior to living with us - my brother's friend found her in his courtyard or something and gave her to my brother. I still remember, when I came to pick her up, her body was shivering so badly and she was afraid of making a contact with human, which led me to an assumption that she probably had a traumatic experience with... human?
But I was beside her the morning she died. I witnessed her struggles, I wiped some dirt and stains that managed to mark her coat, I called her name as I touched her head, fanning her.
Well, she left this world perhaps half an hour later.
What to do when you're emotionally exhausted?
When, aside of these certain circumstances, your own personal situation is not so well off? When you also realize that everything you do just doesn't work, every effort spent goes unappreciated, every attempt to climb becomes a wasted progress...
Guess I just need to keep on moving on my own pace. No point loitering around doing nothing. Curse those nagging people, those who sneer, those who ask too much, those who lie through pretty mouths, those who show off.
And yes... I also have enough of liars in my life.
A grief so profound within a short time span strikes me as something so real and raw. Losing an extended family member who, ironically, had never been that close to me when he was still alive, and the loss of TWO dearly loved dogs - both were adopted - one because of tumor (he already had this tumor on his neck when we adopted him) and one because of old age. One passed away only one week after the other one had died. It feels like a coincidence, but each cause of death is different. Yet still... it leaves me in wonder.
Why?
I shed tears when my uncle was laid down inside his white coffin. I cried, not because I was remembering moments and memories - they were scarce between us - but because of this cursed thought that I kept going back to: How scared he must have been, when he was in great pain, when he was thinking of his own family's future without him, when he eventually had to face his own death, standing upon the threshold between life and death. That last moment before he let out his final breath.
The same thought pierced into me when I was told that my dog, the one with tumor, was dead. I was only several minutes late to seeing him in his final moment. When I came downstairs, his body had become so stiff, yet I could still feel the lingering warmth of his body temperature. He must have been in pain before, struggling to fight it with his small body - but he was so strong. He was never seen whimpered even when he looked to be in pain. He was a cheerful dog, he liked to eat a lot, his coat was shining. We knew, when we adopted him, that his tumor was already too big to be cut off, and hence we would have to be prepared.
Well... I didn't cry the day my dog was cremated. But I cried so bad the day after.
And just yesterday morning, my other dog, who had accompanied us for 10 years, also died. It's a she, anyway. We didn't know where and who she'd been living with prior to living with us - my brother's friend found her in his courtyard or something and gave her to my brother. I still remember, when I came to pick her up, her body was shivering so badly and she was afraid of making a contact with human, which led me to an assumption that she probably had a traumatic experience with... human?
But I was beside her the morning she died. I witnessed her struggles, I wiped some dirt and stains that managed to mark her coat, I called her name as I touched her head, fanning her.
Well, she left this world perhaps half an hour later.
What to do when you're emotionally exhausted?
When, aside of these certain circumstances, your own personal situation is not so well off? When you also realize that everything you do just doesn't work, every effort spent goes unappreciated, every attempt to climb becomes a wasted progress...
Guess I just need to keep on moving on my own pace. No point loitering around doing nothing. Curse those nagging people, those who sneer, those who ask too much, those who lie through pretty mouths, those who show off.
And yes... I also have enough of liars in my life.
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