A Quietness of My Own

I turned off the lamp. I drew the curtain open. I sat behind the window sill. I hugged my knees tightly. Fat drops of water were still falling from the open sky. They were splattering the window, brushing off the dirt on its blur surface. Streaks of lightning appeared soundlessly across the pitch black of darkness that looked awefully plain without the gleaming stars decorating on it. Stars. If I had known earlier that they would never to be seen again from the city that I came to loathe, I would have cherished those awkward moments when I laid my back against the cold floor in my old house, lifting my finger upward, tracing the sheet of the sky – acting as if I could poke the stars.

I closed my eyes. I buried my face, didn’t even bother to set aside the loose strands of my hair. There was no light in the room. My glow in the dark stars attached on the ceiling didn’t even shine. I was enveloped in ultimate darkness. But abstract pictures came alive behind my eyelids. Outside, tires were slicing across puddles of water. The sound of engines and cars honking were audible, only to trail off and disappear in the distance. Inside, a subtle hum coming from the air conditioner filled the small room.

I was in my own world. This world, was quiet. A solitude, for I was the only occupant. I actually wish this tranquility wouldn’t come to an end since the idea of hiding myself from the rest of the world has become essentially tempting. I don’t have to deal with people. I don’t have to force out a talk, I don’t have to fake a curve of smile. I could care less about others. It’ll be only myself. Seems like, involving myself in the emotional twist of others’ are just too burdening.

Sitting by the window, eavesdropping the background music of falling raindrops and splashing water, blanketed by the soothing darkness, shielded from the blinding light, doing absolutely nothing – did give a piece of something comforting to my mind. It was cooling down from overheating.

Well, I wouldn’t mind being interrupted by casual sips of chocolate or soy milk... as it wasn’t really the time for a bottle of beer or a glass of whiskey.