So far in your life, have you had the opportunity to fulfill your dream? Not the kind of achievement that people (um. parents?) tell you to achieve - but that kind of dream that comes from the deepest fold of your heart, constructed from your very core and being, so strong in power that it's inextinguishable no matter how many times people - or you yourself - try to trample it?
If your answer to the question posed at the beginning of this post is "yes", then I guess you would agree that, when you come to realize that you did it; that you made it come true - it feels so much like a victory from a won battle. That it feels so, so, so good and there's this sense of accomplishment that makes you feel whole, and makes you think, "Ah, this is what it meant to be living. I'm living my life."
Okay, maybe it's too exaggerating XD
But anyway, you're proud of yourself and you start to believe in your own power. You find your life purposeful and meaningful, and you're happy.
Then I guess you'll also be familiar with the feeling of wanting to fulfill your other dream(s); to, again, make a miracle, transforming your dream into something real so that you can feel it, see it, touch it, perhaps? Yeah, make it into being. Into reality. Like what you did previously.
It's not that you're greedy. It's not that you want to boast it around and be recognized by people.
It's simply for the sake of living.
Because that way, you are able to find reason behind the meaning of your own small existence in this world... which is good reason enough?
I guess this is why I decided to finally act on another thing that previously had been a secret daydream: Travelling solo.
Now, I don't know though, why I want to travel solo in the first place. That thought popped up in my mind one day like an impulse. Still, I'd thought about that impulse thought for months, debating with my own self the pros and cons of travelling solo - but amazingly the wish and the will to go were stronger than I'd first imagined for an impulse.
I entertained this impulse, made way for it to become more than an impulse just so I could see how it would turn out and how I felt about it. So I listed down places I wanted to go, means of transportation to go there - names of stations, and even went as far as which area I'd be going to stay at as well as budget.
Well... it became a full travel itinerary. My impulse, on the other hand, has gradually transformed into a confirmed determination.
It's just... exciting, to plan out everything. To see the places I want to see, at my own pace. Only my interests matter. I could decide everything almost immediately, and already I imagined myself strolling around the artsy street and seeing a local festival at a small outskirt town. Staying at a hot spring town and hiking through the pristine mountain area. And more rural towns and villages-visit kind of itinerary.
Of course, imagination can only go so far as a mere imagination, where everything takes place inside your head. I am aware that there will be a number of significant factors, accounted or unaccounted for, that could affect any journey in reality such as unpredictable weather, language barrier, getting lost, or health problems such as headache or cold or muscle pain, for example. To sum it up, I will be relying on myself and I'm responsible for my own safety - my own journey in all its entirety. I'm still a realistic person that way.
Either way, I've booked a flight. Itinerary finalized, I've been preparing myself, physically and mentally. It's funny though that even now, less than a week til d-day, this decision itself still feels so surreal. I feel like, whoa, it has been decided? That I'm going? Things like that. Yes, I feel elated; I can't wait to go and see those places I've been wanting to see - the whole journey feels like it'll be a memorable, precious one for me. It'll be something like a quest, a pilgrimage perhaps. But sometimes I can't deny that I'm worried - which is normal, they say. The worry about the trip itself is almost nonexistent, perhaps made so because it's overshadowed by the worry over how my decision affects the people around me - family members, specifically.
You know what they wanted in the first place? Of course they wanted me NOT to go. Mom and dad, actually, thought that travelling solo was out of question. Initially.
It still is, for dad.
Still, this journey means a lot to me. I can't quite place it in words... but it's more than about having fun. It's kind of personal for me too, I guess. Because, you see, fulfilling your dream makes you stronger, you know? And I want to grow stronger.
At times, I feel like an egoist. Though I guess I have the right to be so, since it is my own life and my own path to walk on. Isn't it right?
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